I Lost £3,500 to an Internet Catfish

The Story of Peter and the Woman Who Made Him Believe in Love

Peter had been struggling with depression for a long time before deciding to start dating again. He was ready to give love another go when he matched with a nurse called Charlotte on a dating app. She seemed "down to earth," with big brown eyes and a chatty, bubbly personality. They appeared to have a lot in common, and their conversations flowed easily.

Charlotte sent him photos of a smiling woman in her 20s with braided hair in a blue nurse's uniform, as well as images showing a desk with files on it, seemingly taken during her working day. Peter would respond with pictures of whatever he had been up to. She gave the impression of being from a wealthy family, telling Peter her dad owned a farm. She also talked about her horse and her love of designer handbags.

Peter believed he had finally met someone special and was excited to see how things would progress. He even told his mum and sister he was dating someone online. However, a year later, he realized that Charlotte was not who she claimed to be. In reality, she was serial fraudster Kerry Gray, and she had conned him out of nearly £3,500.

Gray, 37, of Harlow, Essex, was handed a suspended sentence on Wednesday for swindling Peter and two other men out of more than £11,000 in total. They had all been victims of "catfishing," where a criminal uses a false identity to gain the trust of someone online before extorting or scamming them.

How the Scam Unfolded

Peter had no reason to doubt Charlotte at first. He had seen her pictures and she seemed to have extensive medical knowledge, although the court would later hear this was not the case. She asked for money for taxi fares, claiming she could not drive due to her mental health and the medication she was on. Requests for money were often accompanied by sad stories, such as her mother being sectioned and her father suffering a stroke, which she said died in the space of four weeks.

As her requests continued, Peter had to ask his parents for funds to "help keep me on my feet." He felt guilt because he lied that he was in a bad situation and wasn't getting paid enough. However, he was giving his money away.

After a while, Charlotte began to ask for larger amounts. Her biggest lie was still to come—she told him she was in hospital because her childhood cancer had come back and asked for £1,000 to cover medical fees. Despite having concerns, he paid. But then he phoned the hospital ward where she claimed she was being treated. They said they had no trace of her, and Peter realized he had been duped.

The Aftermath

Peter stopped contacting Charlotte, but she kept bombarding him with messages, begging him to respond. She said she would pay him back—but needed help with yet another family crisis. This left Peter feeling like a target. He contacted the police, and Gray was later arrested, telling officers: "I'm such an idiot. I'm sorry—I feel really bad now."

It later emerged in court that Gray had spent time in care as a child and was living off universal credit, sleeping on a mattress on the floor of her aunt’s house. Peter says he had been in relationships during university and was well-versed in the dating world. He had a good job and considered himself tech-savvy. Yet there he was, giving money he could not afford to Gray, which sometimes left him eating beans on toast for weeks on end.

"I feel so silly, because it was so casually done," says Peter. "I've never met her. It makes me feel stupid; it makes me feel pathetic. I have had massive, massive trust issues."

Such is the shame and embarrassment he feels, Peter has never spoken openly about what happened. He does not even want to reveal how old he is or the general area in which he lives. "I would be a laughing stock," he says. "It's something I am going to live with. I am never going to tell anyone."

The Broader Impact

The court heard two other men also fell victim to Gray's lies, telling very similar stories. One said Gray claimed to have suffered debit card fraud and had lost access to her bank account. She asked for £30 for petrol to take her nephews and nieces out—but he kindly sent her £80. Her demands for money grew, until he eventually sent her a screenshot showing her his bank account was empty.

Gray's third victim ended up transferring £6,626 to her in 119 transactions. The court heard she spent the money on takeaways, gambling, alcohol, and drugs.

Romance fraud has seen a notable increase in recent years, with 8,645 reports made in England and Wales in 2023-24, a 7.6% rise on the previous financial year. In Essex, dating scams are among the top five frauds, with losses amounting to £2.3m in 2024, and an average loss per offence of £13,130.

How to Avoid Romance Scams

According to Action Fraud, signs of romance fraud include a person being secretive about their relationship or becoming hostile or angry when asked about their online partner. They may have sent, or be planning to send, money to someone they have never met in person.

Advice for protecting yourself against scams includes:

• Be suspicious of any requests for money from someone you have never met in person, particularly if you have only recently met online
• Speak to your family or friends to get advice
• Profile photos may not be genuine, so do your research first. Performing a reverse image search using a search engine can help you find photos that have been stolen from somewhere else

Advice for supporting a victim of a scam includes:

• Reassure your loved one you are there for them and it is not their fault
• Improve your own understanding about romance scams
• Remember to look after yourself, too—supporting someone through romance fraud can be tough

If you have been affected by some of the issues raised in this article, help is available at The News PulseAction Line.