I Stopped 30-Hour Childcare for My Grandchildren — Here's Why

The Burden of Grandparent Caregiving in the UK

Sharon Birch, a 59-year-old safeguarding consultant and crime author from Hartlepool, has spent her summer holidays juggling childcare for her five grandchildren, aged between eight and two. She spends over 30 hours a week on activities like gardening, arts and crafts, and math exercises. Despite this, she continues to work late into the night, often until 10 p.m. Her exhaustion is palpable. “I’m absolutely exhausted. I’m so stressed with it all,” she admits.

Birch’s role as a caregiver is deeply rooted in her own childhood experience, where her grandmother looked after her. However, she acknowledges that this responsibility comes at a cost. Her husband has health issues, so she takes on most of the caregiving duties. Two of her three children are parents—her daughter Sam works as a social worker, and her son-in-law works shift-based warehouse jobs. Her son Matthew, who is separated, is a salesman working long weekends. All of them rely on her for childcare, but there is very little support available for school-age children.

The only local holiday clubs in the area operate for just four hours a day through the Holiday Access Fund. Any longer hours require registration with Ofsted, which many families cannot afford. Birch hopes for more comprehensive options, but she knows the financial burden would be too much for many parents. “It would be very expensive and eat their salary. I’m crucial for my children because of the lack of options,” she says.

Despite her commitment, Birch recognizes the toll of constant caregiving. She has planned a cruise for her 60th birthday in October, a much-needed break. “It’s half term and I said to my children, ‘You’re going to have to take time off.’” She also plans to stop providing full-time childcare next summer. “I’ve done eight years of it. My two four-year-old granddaughters start school in September. That means next summer we’d have four children all the time, and I’ve said we’re not doing it.”

During term time, Birch helps with school pick-ups three times a week, looking after between two and five grandchildren until 6 p.m. But during the holidays, the hours increase dramatically. While she loves spending time with her grandchildren, she feels burnt out and can no longer continue. Last-minute requests push her to her limits. “My son asked me to have his daughter this weekend, and it’s like, hang on a minute! This is my weekend and the first one that me and my husband will have together for months.”

Birch is part of a growing number of grandparents across the UK who are stepping in to fill gaps in the childcare system. According to SunLife, roughly half of UK grandparents are helping with childcare this summer, providing an average of 13 hours a week, often for free. On average, they save their children £13,500 in childcare costs.

However, many grandparents are feeling the strain. Caroline Abrahams, director of Age UK, notes that while grandparents often feel pressure to help, they need to set boundaries. “They need to feel able to say, ‘Sorry, no,’ on occasion,” she says. “There needs to be give and take.”

Some grandparents feel taken for granted. Justine Roberts, founder of Mumsnet and Gransnet, highlights that while many enjoy helping, others feel overstretched and underappreciated. “The physical and emotional toll can be considerable,” she adds. One grandmother in Nottingham, aged 64, describes feeling “hugely resentful” despite her children’s gratitude. She often ends up doing housework for her son and daughter-in-law, which she finds exhausting.

Another grandmother in Brighton emphasizes the importance of setting clear boundaries. “We’re very clear about when we’re able to help—and when we’re not,” she says. She ensures she spends equal time with all her grandchildren and refuses to drop everything just because it suits her children. She also stresses the importance of respecting rules set by parents, even if they differ from her own approach.

In Spain, where 85% of grandparents are involved in childcare, discontent is rising. Many septuagenarians want freedom without the daily stress of caring for grandchildren. There are calls for financial compensation, but some parents find this transactional approach difficult. Lucy, a London mother, shares her frustration with her mother’s demand for payment for babysitting, which she feels strains their relationship.

Sharon Birch believes the solution lies in better government-funded childcare and holiday clubs. “Then grandparents will be able to plan day trips and family days out, rather than becoming burnt out from filling all the childcare gaps.” For many grandparents, the end of summer brings relief, as they finally get a chance to rest.